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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Things We Cannot Change


There comes a time when we have to move on.
To accept that things aren't always going to be the way we want them to be.
People aren't always going to be who we think they should be.
Life isn't always going to treat us fairly.
We all have people in our lives who simply don't apologize for things
that were said or done that hurt us.
So we learn to accept that, this is just how it is.
We learn to be "the one to apologize" just to smooth things over.
Being frustrated, holding grudges, begging them to change, to apologize, to explain...
will never mean anything, because it was You doing the work
that someone else never thought to do on their own.
Or it was never in their heart to do..
Change has to happen from the inside out,
not from the outside in.
It's sometimes a hard lesson to learn, and mentally exhausting,
learning that we cannot change people.
People have to want to change. People have to want to say "I'm sorry."
And if they don't, they don't.


How do you accept that sometimes you will never get an apology, an explantion,
an "I handled things poorly" or an "I should have never said that to you."
I was talking to a friend long ago, and she told me "Julie, some people will
never give you closure, never give you an apology. You just have to learn to accept
that is the way it is, it's the way they are."
That is something that has always bothered me, not just in my own life, but when I see family
or friends obviously hurt, sometimes their lives nearly destroyed
 and the people that hurt them are so stubborn, that they never
give the simple closure of an true heartfelt apology or explanation...
so instead they have to learn to move on without it,
to love that person they way Jesus loved us...

I never understood how people can think they are so right,
or perhaps they are so prideful
that they simply will not apologize for hurt they have caused others.
It pretty much drives me crazy,
because if I have hurt someone, I want to know about it.
So that I can apologize for it. So I can make things right, instead of letting people
just move on with their lives being forced to accept what I have done.
No, I'd much rather them accept my apology.

They questions is how do YOU want to leave things?
Knowing YOU did your very best? Tried YOUR hardest?
I know I do. I want to give life my all. Give people my all.
And If I mess up, I want to fix it. 


Circumstances happen in life.
Sometimes we end up jobless. Sometimes we end up broke.
Sometimes we end up sick or our family members do.
Sometimes we end up broken hearted.
Sometimes our friendships fall apart... our relationships... 
Some of these things we can change by the sweat of our brow, trying to make
things right over and over, perhaps a change in our diet or lifestyle. 
Some of these things we cannot. The changes happen to us,
and we have to accept it. Even though it is usually never easy.
And sometimes we have to make choices, whether we want to be at home 
with our family while having little to no money, 
or whether we want to live a little more "high maintenance"
 only to then miss out on the precious moments with the people we live for.
There have been changes in my life, that I have learned to accept,
that for now anyway, this is how it is.
Perhaps in the future things will change. Actually because I know my God,
I KNOW things will change, but while we are in this season,
I continue to grow & learn and rely on Him.
But these things I am not willing to "go out of my way" to change in this moment,
even though I could. Even though at one time things were different, 
We had more. But I've gotten used to having less material "things"...
but in return I've gained so much more in the areas I really needed.
There have also been things that I have wished & tried desperately to change
that I simply had no power over,
and every day it is a decision to accept, it is what it is... 
and it's time to move on. 



We have to know what we want out of life to know what we are willing to 
change and what we are not.
We have to realize what the end result will be in our decision.
And we have to know that we can never change peoples hearts
and some circumstances we can not change on our own.
Only God can change a heart.
Sometimes, Only God can bring restoration to broken body, a lifeless friendship,
an empty bank account.
There are certain things that as bad as we wish we could change them,
only God can change them. Only God can open those doors.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately.
Thinking over my life, and talking to other people.

I've had to pray, Lord, If I cannot change this, either you have to work on this situation
for me...or you have to give me the peace of mind to accept that this will never turn out the way
I want it to. I only have to accept that your plans for me are far better than my plans for me.

I guess it is my version of the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot and the wisdom to
know the difference.

Are you thinking of things in your life that you wish you could change?
People you wish would say I'm sorry? Circumstances you have no control over?
Or perhaps circumstances you do have control over but haven't been willing to change yourself?
I know I am. All sorts of things come to mind.
All I know is if I trust in God, ask him to show me where I, myself, can change to either accept
certain things, or to better certain things, then I can have the peace I long for and no
matter what the situation is in my life, I asked Him to help me do my best.
Ultimately, my faith is in God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways, acknowledge him and He will make your path straight...
Proverbs 3:5

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14 comments:

The Pink Growl said...

Oh Julie I love this and I needed to hear it! Proverbs has been so helpful to me during this time I've been having over the past couple of weeks. I can always find comfort in Proverbs. You are so right! PS - you look so pretty in these pictures too!

Unpublished Life said...

Wow! Thank you so much for this post Julie! It is like you were speaking to me directly. I have been battling with someone special in my life, who I care a lot about, but who doesn't seem to care enough about me. It's always me doing the communicating, me doing the texting and emailing. It feels like holding on to him, is like trying to hold onto sand and it is frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. I need to let it go and trust in God more, but it's hard because I don't want to let him go. But, I know that if it's not meant to be, there is nothing I can do to change it. I need to trust God's plan for my life - it's just hard. Blind faith I guess ...

Thanks for sharing!

Miss Angie said...

Great post. It's so true. Sometimes you have to choose yourself and stop yourself from being hurt over and over again by people. No matter how much you love them.

Cat @ This Little Life of Mine said...

Thank you for this wonderful post and great reminder! I needed this today!
Be Blessed!!!
Cat

Drama Queens Mum (Kimberly) said...

Love that dress.

Karla said...

I, like everyone else it seems, needed to hear this today. This was so well written. It's almost like poetry! The thing that struck me the most out of the whole post was the part about apologies. I can't agree more that it has taken me years and years to understand that I cannot change a person. That I cannot make a person apologize. I'm still trying to understand why some people just aren't apologetic when they are wrong. Some people just are ALWAYS right. Having faith has helped me with this. And, this post was just the reminder I needed. Thank you so much for posting this. So beautiful. So true.

Karla said...

I, like everyone else it seems, needed to hear this today. This was so well written. It's almost like poetry! The thing that struck me the most out of the whole post was the part about apologies. I can't agree more that it has taken me years and years to understand that I cannot change a person. That I cannot make a person apologize. I'm still trying to understand why some people just aren't apologetic when they are wrong. Some people just are ALWAYS right. Having faith has helped me with this. And, this post was just the reminder I needed. Thank you so much for posting this. So beautiful. So true.

jillian at faith that laughs. said...

love your heart. love this post. so much truth! xoxo

Ashleigh Nichole said...

I love this x1000 truthfully even more! I so needed to read this so thank you for sharing!

Kelly said...

Truth truth truth...something that has taken me YEARS to accept...and something i pray that others in my family do...it's HARD to be hurt...BUT, it hurts YOU worse to hold onto that grudge.

Sarah Howard said...

Hello Julie,

I'm a new reader, can't wait to read more. I loved this post!

-Sarah Lu

TicoTina said...

choosing to accept and move on is soooooooooo hard to do so much of the time but it means not having to stay dwelling on that thing... setting our sights on something better is sort of like choosing freedom. I don't know why we struggle against that so much...

No(dot dot)el said...

This was a good reminder for me Julie. Thank you. My stuff has to do with our communal living situation, and the people of the Village. Without saying too much, I just really needed to hear this today. TO just let it GO is so important, but sometimes so hard to do. I'm asking God to change my heart, this helped.

sashkonela said...

Wow. Thanks for linking up on Aloha Affair party. I can`t remember when else I discover such a poetic and inspirational blog. I`m a psychologist and I can tell you that all your contemplations are in addition to all the proper theories they have teached me back at faculty. Life is the best faculty, and I can see that you have all the A grades on it :)
And your look and clothing... I would never say that you have given birth.

Wishing you all the best my dear friend,
Aleksandra

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