Let me just say this. I adore my husband. I am wrapped around my kids fingers. I love my church. I take great responsibility in all the little roles I play in life. The hats of friendship and motherhood and wife and leader... and chauffeur...and housekeeper...and milk maker...
All of that. I take it seriously. But lately I have found myself wondering if it's possible we take too much pride in all of our hats we wear. Do we take all that we have to do so seriously that we forget who we are supposed to be? Do we glorify our position of mother or wife or leader? Do we forget that deep within us God has woven complex patterns of His design and creativity and desire.
I'm a HUGE believer in doing everything we do as unto the Lord. I can't say that enough. But I always feel sort of yuck when I hear people say things like 'even if you are called to clean the church bathrooms, you can do it for His glory.' Or even if you give a cup of cold water, you will not lose your reward. Not that I don't believe that with every ounce of my being. Because I do. But I never want to diminish anyone's capabilities or gifts to merely cleaning bathrooms or delivering cups of water. Those are more or less God given responsibilities I believe. We all have responsibilities within our homes, within our churches, within our communities. And it's our job to take them seriously. And God sees our faithfulness in those areas (the little and the big) and we are blessed in return.
But I am certain that in every single one of us lies more than the ability to clean a bathroom. We all have dreams and passions. At least I hope we do. Some of us it takes longer to admit or find what those are. (It took me a good 36 years). But when we do, we need to take the reigns of those things and force them to move.
What happens when our very personal God given details remain buried? I think there is a lot of fruit that goes unharvested in our lives and in the Kingdom of God.
I've been certainly feeling downtrodden lately with my hats and to-do lists. I've been feeling like there is no time left for Me. Not Mommy. Not Wife. Just ME. I haven't been able to do the things that I really love to do and want to do for myself. And it's not in a selfish way. It's actually the opposite. The fact is when I am allowing no time to develop those things that my heart fancies, part of me remains empty. Parts of me that God wove into me. Big parts of me. And I am left giving those empty bits and pieces to all the people I serve all the live long day.
I'm giving them empty pieces of me.
As my God given responsibility of wife, mother, leader, etc...Am I not responsible then that the people I serve should be receiving life-filled pieces...not empty stale parts of dreary worn out ole me?
Not only that, but my dreams and passions are designed within themselves to give God glory in some way shape or form. Whether I can use them directly to shine Jesus bright or whether I am simply enjoying the abundant life Jesus came to give me...and letting other people see that~
We are supposed to be making room in our lives to simply be us.
To be the US that He created us to be...
I am not last place. You are not last place. And giving yourself priority isn't selfish.
It's a gift from heaven to be full of Him. It's a gift to be given dreams and talents and callings directly from His heart in His plan. Do you realize that those details in your life that you've kept buried are directly from the heart of God? Those are pieces of Him and so many times we hide them away, in the name of busy-ness or servanthood. Because we think if we let them out, it's giving us priority over others or we are being selfish. Not true. It's giving God priority & ability to work and share his heart through you. It's an honor that God sees you in detail, made you in detail and set you apart in detail for such a time as this.
This is your time, friend. Are you running in circles, busy switching hats and to-do lists? Have you taken time to find the YOU buried deep inside and under and tangled in all those things you are doing? Never doubt that those things you loved and grew up with, those things you forgot you loved so much as a child are still in there waiting to be used for His glory. Of course our roles in life are important and we are to be good stewards of them. But don't try to fulfill empty of YOU or empty of HIM. Let God restore joy into just being YOU, so that HE can overflow to them.
I know vulnerability isn't everyone's thing. And it probably shouldn't be. But I am a wear my heart on my sleeve kinda girl. And it's been rough around here. I'm taking the time after 2 am to force myself to write, because it's been too long. And I miss it. And I know in an hour or two my teething baby will wake up. But I miss me and the things I love to do. I'm trying to make space to allow God to work though me all the things He placed deep within me. I'm trying to weave my way out of all my hats to breathe a little. So that I can be a better me. For me. For Him. For them.
What about you?
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with thy free spirit...