Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Don't just sit there. Do something.
That is what has been ringing in my ears the past 20 days of this new year.
But it felt so trite. Do something? Really? Isn't that the whole idea of a resolution?
To set a goal and act on it.
To set a goal and act on it.
Could I really come to my blog and tell you that the word that God has seeped into my being these past 20 lazy, negligent, unintentional first days of 2015 is the word ACTION? Clearly, I can't find the online thesaurus to jazz it up a little.
But here I am. Saying it. ACTION.
And let's be honest.. It's been more than 20 days of me sitting on my rump (both figuratively and literally speaking) and pretty much doing squat. No, I didn't say squats. I wish I did. That would certainly help said 'rump.'
I'm going to follow that last statement with this tid-bit. My daddy is a preacher.
You're wondering how that has to do with anything I'm talking about, aren't you.
Action. Rump. Squats.. Annnnnndddd Preacher.
Just hold tight a minute. It will all come together.
On the first Sunday of 2015 and my daddy got up and preached a sermon titled "A Year Of Action." Granted he was mostly talking about gearing up and setting out to do something for the kingdom of God, but it still resonated with my insides.
It was something I knew must happen.
Both for the Kingdom work...but also for me.
God has been shouting me this very practical word at me for a few weeks now.
And along with it, he said "Don't just sit there. Do something."
There is so much I want out of life.
I want a blissful and romantic marriage, not just a team membership.
I want my kids to WANT to love Jesus and treat each other and us with respect. Is that too much to ask?
I want to lose 35 pounds. What on earth is taking me so long?
I want to control all these health issues I've been dealing with. I've been hospitalized and in the ER more times these past 6 months than my life. I'm tired of ulcers and asthma and eczema and allergies.
I want to be strong in my body.
I want to have energy. (Let's face it. Netflix and One Tree Hill has been very good to me lately. I mean, really quite very good.)
I want to write a book (yes, still).
I want to have a full fridge.
I want to have a home that isn't leaking tub water into my kitchen floor.
I want to speak and inspire and encourage women.
I want to shine for Jesus only. Not for myself.
I want to share my heart and my story, and somehow not get any glory out of it, yet be totally comfortable with not getting any glory out of it. Does that make sense?
I want to wake up each day and say "Jesus, what's on the agenda today? Hit me with the good stuff. But first, give me what I need to get 'er done."
But all these wants come with some sort of "doing something."
They require some sort of action. Whether it's to start making better eating choices or romancing my man... or whether it's praying about something we need, all I know, just sitting around watching Netflix isn't working for me.
Okay. Let's be fair to myself. In my defense, I did just write in my last blog post about how my baby keeps me busy. And he does. He needs my loving attention a lot these days. He loves a good snuggle. He loves for us to walk around holding him. God forbid we sit down and hold him. And my kids need me. But there are things. Things that I could do to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Things that require me to not watch Netflix.
Set the remote control down.
Just honesty here today, friends.
I was telling my husband and my close friend today, as I was given this apparent divine revelation (Ok, maybe I'm a little slower than I care to admit) that I felt like God actually spoke this to me, that "action" may even mean to go to sleep.
I'm not kidding.
It may even mean that I don't have the energy I need, because I'm not getting enough sleep.
Action may mean to me that I need to turn off the television and take a nap.
To not just sit there and do something, means some days... to sleep.
See how I keep pushing the sleep thing?
But seriously, that is part of it. It's simple. It's intentional in reaching my goal for a healthy body, mind and spirit.
This ACTION word. Is this a new word? Because it suddenly has become so clear to me.
To wake up each day and take action. Some days it may be hard. It may be inconvenient with a baby in tow.
It may be unclear. But it is my goal.
It is the first word I want to think of when I wake up in the morning. Maybe the 4th word. Maybe like Ready, Set, Jesus, Action.
Alright Daddy-o. Let's do this. A Year of Action.
I'm getting some things done this year. I'm telling ya!
I'm getting (sorta) organized. I'm taking new steps into unknown territories for me.
I'm getting healthy. I'm getting sleep. I'm not always going to play it safe and comfortable.
I'm going to live just a little bit on the adventurous side.
I'm going to be a little more brave with my dreams this year.
I'm going to shock the heck outta my husband with my amazing romanticism. (Oh Lord, I hope he doesn't read this). These are aspirations, Hon. One step at a time.
I'm going to set some things in motion that God has dropped in my heart long ago.
Yes, it's taken some time. It's taken tears. It's taken facing my fears and insecurities. It's taken a fight against laziness and tiredness. And it will keep taking all of this out of me. But I'm willing to try. I'm willing to say it out loud and hope that I stick to it. I'm willing to fail and pick up and try again.
And do that over and over again.
I'm willing to not just sit there. But mostly this year, I'm willing to do something.
Dear Friends, do you think you will get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend, dressed in rags and half starved and you say.. "Good Morning, Friend. Be clothed in Christ. Be filled with the Spirit." But you walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup? (Really?)-Where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?
James 2:14-17 Msg Bible
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Around 7:30 pm last night I found myself sort of complaining to my husband that it's not fair that I can't seem to get anything done that I want to do or that people ask of me until after at least 11 pm. I have responsibilities and promises I've made to people, to my blog and to my church that have left me saying "I will look at it later tonight after the kids are in bed" or "I will work on it this week" and tonight or this week never seems to come.
I sat in bed with a baby very physically attached to me eating his dinner around this time, and had my tablet in front of me, as I tried to catch up on some reading on some of my favorite blogs. Bloggers that have shops and books written and kids and churches and ministries and homeschooling that they are responsible for...
and I wonder what my problem is.
Why can they get stuff done, but I can't? Even when they don't have it all together, they somehow manage to find the time to hop online and say "Hey, I don't have it all together" and they sound so graceful saying even that. And I so admire these women. But some days I hang my head in shame that I can't be more.
Lots of days I give myself grace to simply be a mom and I know my time simply doesn't allow for anything more. The baby doesn't want to sit in a saucer or swing all day long as some people might think while I work and write and create for myself, much less anyone else.
He wants to be played with, held, snuggled. He wants to giggle and by all means, feed the child. And even though I have 3 kids that, yes, go off to school during the day hours~no, I'm not a homeschooling mom~ I still can't manage to find the time to do anything but "be" with Wyatt (my sweet little 8 month, teething, sitting up, growing too fast baby boy). And if I do have the 'time' as some would think, I am left without energy. Yes, I sleep when he sleeps. Or I do dishes or clean or fold laundry, etc...but I certainly don't sit down on my computer during the day and pursue my dreams of writing or attend to my responsibilities to others.
And I feel guilty. I feel guilty that there are moms that are out there that work 40 hours a week outside of the home. I feel guilty that there are moms that run churches and write books and run shops and businesses and homeschool....and some of them even cook and work out...somehow.
And they still manage to find the time care for their family.
So what is my problem, I think to myself. Where have I been missing it lately?
I've been trying. Trying ever so hard to do it on my own.
I've been telling myself it's okay because God knows. He is the one who has given me this wonderful opportunity to be a mother and wife. He knows my responsibilities. He knows where my time is spent. And there is certainly nothing wrong with putting my family first. And His grace is ever sufficient for me.
But have I been relying on it? Have I been trying to do it without His strength?
After I cracked open my devotional for the first time in probably 5 weeks yesterday I read about being undone before the Lord. Contending to be undone before Him. Before I try to conform to the expectations others have of me and to the expectations I have of myself, why don't I first give Him my all and let Him work in me what pleases Him. His grace and strength He has certainly promised and provided, but I have to soak it up and let my heart saturate it. HIS presence in my life is where I want to be first and foremost. Swimming in it.
Yes, God does understand. And that is why He wants to be my source of strength, comfort, wisdom, time. and everything else I need to make life go smoothly.
Without it, I can very truly do very little to nothing, I see that now.
No, I haven't been wasting away my time or life, neck deep in immorality or impurities of thought.
I don't even have time for that if I wanted to (which I don't.)
But His grace is for more than that.
It's for the mommas and daddies and wives and husbands serving and giving to their families.
It's for the hard workers, love seekers, dare to dreamers.
It's for those of us with dreams of our own and desires to take life one step further and be there for others
(she types in tears).
We can do it, And we can do it with peace in our hearts and in our minds. And we can do it with the full assurance that God has given us already what we need.
He has given us wisdom. He has given us time, He has given us strength.
To be all that we are called and do all that we desire.
But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength...
Those who wait on Him.
That is where I have been going wrong. That is where I've missed it lately.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
(I am writing this all between the hours of 1:30 am and 3:30 am. I woke up to a hungry baby and I tried laying him back down 3 times. He is now sitting on my lap looking around, smiling as I type one handed. And I am feeling so extremely blessed, and also hoping he goes back to sleep.)